After mysterious months away, here is a post. It is about the next WoW expansion. I hope it makes you vomit slightly in your mouth, like all the best things I do.

WHY CATACLYSM WILL ROXXORS BOXXORS

  • Garbage stats are gone – Thanks Blizzard! We can now tell if gear is an upgrade by looking over the stats instead of looking up a dozen sources online, checking our spreadsheets and running simulators. Plus things like ArPen and AP and suchlike always felt like a hack job to cover up things basic stats couldn’t do. If you’ve fixed how basic stats worked then this is a great change.
  • Levelling will be more fun – As things stand right now, Azeroth feels like being forced to do chores before you can eat your chocolate cake. The zones are boring, quests are still of the old “collect/kill 10″ variety and travelling is unpleasant, to say the least.
  • Talents are finally talents – Instead of things you must take to DPS. Plus it’s another reason levelling will be more fun. 1% more Crit at Level 15 is boring and seemingly useless.
  • Finally Azeroth is Finished – Pity it took FIVE FUCKING YEARS.

WHY CATACLYSM WILL SUCK GIANT MAN BOOBS

  • Horde gets fucked over – Alliance gets Werewolves, we get annoying little green men. Goblins don’t even need a new model! It’s rumored that Cairne gets assassinated and that emo to jock cuntface Garrosh takes over from Thrall as Warchief. What the hell? Why play if I despise my own faction? And the worst part? While all this crap happens to the Horde, what upheavals hit the Alliance? That’s right. Jack shit.
  • Awesome Stats are gone – Talk about making the game a bit too easy Blizz. Fuck you. BBQQ.
  • How goddamn lazy – All you’ve done is remodelled the continents a bit and changed some quests. It’s still the same shit I’ve been looking at for 4 years.
  • No new class to rape DKs with – I’m sick of being destroyed by Death Knights, where was the new Hero class to kill both of us?
  • All my Alts feel Pointless – Might as well restart them.
  • Goblins, WTF – We Hordies laugh at Gnomes for a reason. WE DON’T WANT THEM. Not even if you breed them with Orcs.
  • Garrosh is still a dick 5 bullet points later – Enough said. God, I’ll fucking raid him.

More reasons when I remember them.